Piccolo's World III: The Cigar
by Mr. Zombie
Summary: With the help of his special, special cigar, Piccolo continues to run the planet with an iron fist. Is Piccolo unstoppable?
1. Default Chapter

I apologize for the long delay. Things have been messed up here lately and I am just now able to get around to typing this. I appreciate all the support that I have been given. Hopefully you'll like this one as good as the rest!  
  
---  
  
With the help of his new cigar, is Piccolo unstoppable?  
  
Piccolo's World III: The Cigar  
  
Chapter I  
  
It had been two weeks since Piccolo's encounter with Kooler. Goku had no idea that Piccolo had sent Turles to kill him, so Piccolo didn't have to worry. Plus, Turles' cigar had been destroyed just like Piccolo had wanted to happen (he had planned to destroy the cigar he gave to Turles after the mission had been complete). Piccolo had the only one in existence. While Piccolo's remaining men-Cell, Tien, Chouzu, Nappa, and now even Radditz- watched T.V. in the living room, Piccolo sat in his office smoking a weed- filled cigar. He still wore his suit and sunglasses and was leaning back in his chair with his feet on the desk.  
  
He was about to fall asleep when a fist burst through the wall and hit him in the back of the head. Piccolo was caught completely off-guard. Piccolo flew over his desk and hit the ground face-first. Suddenly Kooler was standing over him!  
  
"You will pay for your mistakes, Namek," Kooler said. He kicked Piccolo in the face and Piccolo rammed into his own wall. Piccolo fell to the ground again and Kooler threw the desk at him. It shattered into thousands of when it hit him.  
  
"Fuck!" Piccolo exclaimed. "I killed you!"  
  
"Wrong," Kooler replied. "You merely weakened me."  
  
"But I knocked your head off!"  
  
"Shut the fuck up, Namek!"  
  
Piccolo started to get up and Kooler punched him to the ground. That was the first attack to not come completely by surprise.  
  
"First you kill my brother, and then my father. You made the BIGGEST mistake by trying to kill ME!"  
  
Piccolo said nothing as he finally got up and charged Kooler. He punched Kooler in the face and straightened his tie as Kooler slammed into the wall. Kooler jumped back up and soon the two were swinging at each other at the same time.  
  
---  
  
Meanwhile, Cell, Tien, Chouzu, Nappa, and Radditz sat in the living room in separate chairs passing several blunts. They were so stoned that they didn't even hear the battle between Piccolo and Kooler. On the T.V. was the familiar face of Mr. Satan.  
  
"Citizens of Earth!" Mr. Satan shouted to a very large crowd of people. "For many years your hero, me, has trained to defeat the evil Piccolo! The green alien from Hell has done nothing but make us suffer! But do not fear! I, Mr. Satan, will finish my training and defeat this tyrant ruler of Earth! Yeah! I rule!"  
  
He made the victory sign with his hands and the crowd cheered.  
  
"That's some funny shit," Cell said. "What a fucking moron."  
  
Everyone laughed hard. They couldn't believe a regular human would try to kill the Great Piccolo.  
  
"Should we tell the boss?" Tien asked.  
  
"Nah," Cell replied. "The boss is probably sleeping."  
  
---  
  
Kooler landed a kick that knocked Piccolo out the window. When he went to see if Piccolo had hit the ground the Namek appeared in front of him and hit him in the face with a powerful punch. Kooler slammed into yet another wall, and Piccolo immediately started to bombard Kooler with punches and kicks.  
  
"Yeah bitch!" Piccolo shouted. "I'll kill you!"  
  
"Wrong."  
  
Kooler hit Piccolo with a kick to the stomach. Piccolo's eyes widened as he flew backward onto the ground. Piccolo's suit was torn and dirty. Both of them got up at the same time. They were both beaten and bruised.  
  
"You messed up my suit," Piccolo said angrily.  
  
Kooler grinned. "I'm going to mess up your face in a moment."  
  
The two attacked each other.  
  
---  
  
Meanwhile, Radditz took a hit of the blunt and suddenly heard a crash.  
  
"What the fuck was that?" he asked.  
  
"Sounded like it came from Piccolo's office," Nappa replied.  
  
Cell said, "I'll check it out."  
  
---  
  
Kooler threw a punch that Piccolo barely managed to dodge. It was all he needed. Piccolo conjured the strength necessary to hit Kooler. With a single punch the Namek's fist went right through Kooler's stomach. When he brought his fist back it was covered in purple blood.  
  
"Fuck!" Kooler exclaimed.  
  
"Now die!" Piccolo shouted. He kicked Kooler out the window and destroyed him with several power energy blasts. That was the end of him.  
  
A second later Cell came in and was caught completely by surprise. The entire room was a huge mess and so was Piccolo.  
  
"Holy shit!" Cell exclaimed. "Are you alright sir?"  
  
"I will be in a sec," Piccolo replied. He pulled the special, special cigar out of his jacket, lit it, and took a hit. Suddenly his wounds healed and his power increased.  
  
"Yes! Yes! Yes!" Piccolo shouted. "I can do it! I can win! HAHAHAHAHA!! Oh wait, I already did."  
  
Piccolo put his cracked sunglasses back on.  
  
"Impressive cigar sir," Cell said.  
  
"Got that right," Piccolo replied. "I'll be in my other office."  
  
"Before you go sir, I have to warn you," Cell said. "The World Champion Mr. Satan is going to try to overthrow you!"  
  
"What?!" Piccolo exclaimed. "I'll kill that bastard!"  
  
***  
  
Well, that's all for now. Chapter II will be on the way as soon as possible. 


	2. Chapter II

I'd just like to thank The Dbz Dealer and DBZ Chicka for their continued support of my fics. I suggest you read their fics. They are VERY good.  
  
Also, this chapter is pretty long. ---  
  
Piccolo's World III: The Cigar  
Chapter II  
  
When Piccolo changed into his an exact replica of his old suit and left to kill Mr. Satan, Cell called Nappa, Radditz, Tien, and Chouzu to a meeting.  
  
"For years we have served Lord Piccolo," Cell began, "and he has rewarded us greatly. However, he has kept a secret from us as well. A secret that the crazy bastard could destroy us with. Mr. Piccolo has in his possession a single cigar capable of raising any power level greatly and quickly healing any wounds. All of this comes from a single hit of the cigar. Piccolo only wants it for himself!"  
  
"What?!" they all exclaimed.  
  
"I suggest we kill Piccolo and steal his cigar so that we can produce it in mass numbers for only ourselves. With those cigars we can finally rule the universe!"  
  
Everyone cheered. They liked the idea.  
  
---  
  
Mr. Satan was in his gym punching the fuck out of a punching bag with Piccolo's face on it. Watching him were fifteen of his trainees. After about ten punches Mr. Satan destroyed the punching bag. He held his arms in the air and shouted, "Yeah! Go me! Take that you green alien freak from Hell! Hail Satan!! Hail Satan!!"  
  
Mr. Satan began walking around the room with his arms in the air and his eyes closed. He continued to shout, "Hail Satan!!"  
  
Soon his trainees were shouting "Hail Satan!!" as well. After ten minutes of this Mr. Satan opened his eyes and saw all his trainees were dead around him. His big smile went away and he lowered his arms. "Uhm guys?"  
  
"They're dead," a voice said from behind.  
  
Mr. Satan spun around and saw Piccolo step out from the shadows. He was wearing a nice, clean black business suit. When Piccolo straightened his tie Mr. Satan's look turned to fear.  
  
"M-M-Mr. Piccolo," he stuttered.  
  
"Shut the fuck up," Piccolo ordered. "You think you can destroy me?"  
  
As Piccolo spoke he took a step forward, and Mr. Satan a step back. "No, of course not," Mr. Satan replied frightened.  
  
"Yeah, well, I don't appreciate you calling me a green alien from Hell. Just because I am indeed a green alien from Hell doesn't mean you can call me it. Now die!"  
  
"Oh noooooo!" Mr. Satan exclaimed.  
  
---  
  
Vegeta no longer had a place to live. For two weeks he had just been wandering around the city by himself, eating and smoking weed when he could. He missed his store. Unfortunately, there was only one place to go: Kakarot's place.  
  
"Kakarot," Vegeta said disgustedly. "I should just kill that dumb fuck."  
  
Vegeta made his way to the apartment and knocked on Goku's door. Goku answered it and he seemed rather happy to se Vegeta.  
  
"I need a place to say," Vegeta said. "Can I live here for awhile?"  
  
"Of course you can," Goku replied. "Come on in."  
  
Vegeta came in and saw Krillen there as well. All three sat on the couch, Vegeta on the right, Krillen center, and Goku left. Krillen pulled out a bag of 'shrooms. "Let's eat."  
  
"Excellent," Vegeta replied. He was hungry and didn't ask what they tasted like, and he had no idea what they were capable of. He ate one and his face turned to disgust. "That tasted like shit! Who the fuck made these things? I'll kill the motherfucker!"  
  
"Take it easy," Goku said. "Food is food."  
  
"Yeah, but damn. These are horrible!"  
  
Goku and Krillen laughed but continued to eat them. Vegeta finally joined them and tolerated the horrible taste. It wasn't long until Vegeta realized things were. . . different. Everything seemed wavy and the room was blue. He didn't want to feel stupid, so he said nothing.  
  
Krillen pulled out a blunt and said, "Spark that shit Vegeta."  
  
Vegeta did so and took a hit. He noticed it had more effect on him for some reason.  
  
"You gonna pass that shit?" someone asked.  
  
Vegeta turned and noticed Krillen and Goku were gone. Instead Captain Ginyu took their place. Vegeta didn't even seem to care, and his look was an "I don't care" look. He gave the blunt to Ginyu.  
  
"It's real nice of you to let me smoke with you," Ginyu said while taking a hit.  
  
"No problem. Does the room look blue to you?"  
  
"Nah, looks green to me."  
  
Ginyu passed it back to Vegeta and said, "That's some good weed. Freeza never let us smoke weed."  
  
Vegeta took a hit. "What a bitch," Vegeta said while blowing out the smoke.  
  
Vegeta's look suddenly changed to a "What the fuck?" look when he saw colorful jellybeans all over the place floating around like on the Janemba movie. Vegeta passed the blunt to Ginyu, but it wasn't Ginyu anymore. It was Janemba himself!  
  
"Fuck!" Vegeta exclaimed. His bloodshot eyes were really wide.  
  
Janemba said nothing. He simply took a couple hits and passed it back. Vegeta couldn't take his eyes off Janemba. Someone then tapped him on his shoulder. Vegeta swung around quickly. Ginyu was there.  
  
"Sorry about that," Ginyu said. "Had to get a drink."  
  
Vegeta saw that Janemba was gone and Ginyu sat back down. Vegeta grabbed some floating jellybeans and started to eat them.  
  
"Those look pretty good," Ginyu said. He started eating them as well. Vegeta, however, was losing it. He started eating the jellybeans without his hands, and he would open his mouth wide. Suddenly his head detached from his body and his continued to eat. The room turned black and he was launched into a blue maze with jellybeans.  
  
"Must. . . eat. . . jellybeans," he said. His voice sounded a bit insane.  
  
Suddenly Vegeta saw himself from a 2-D side-view of his head and found himself in a Pac-Man similar world.  
  
"Vegeta!" Ginyu shouted. His voice an echo. "You gonna pass that?"  
  
Vegeta found himself sitting on the couch with Ginyu and a blunt in his hand. "Oh, sorry about that," Vegeta said. He passed the blunt.  
  
"I'm going for a walk," Vegeta said.  
  
He got up and walked to what he thought was the door. It was actually the window. He saw a staircase leading to the street. However, when he stepped on it his feet crashed through and he fell. Fortunately, he landed on his feet. Ginyu was already waiting for him.  
  
"Vegeta," Ginyu said. "You DO realize you're trippin' like a motherfucker right?"  
  
Vegeta looked down at his feet. "How can that be? I'm standing still!"  
  
---  
  
With one quick chop with his hand Piccolo removed Mr. Satan's head from his body. The look on Mr. Satan's face was a scared one.  
  
"Priceless," Piccolo said with an evil grin. "Just priceless."  
  
He left the gym carrying the head. Millions of spectators were still outside waiting for their savior Satan to show up. Their cheers were silenced when they saw Piccolo. He grabbed the microphone.  
  
"People of Earth," Piccolo said in an evil voice. "You savior is dead! He didn't even put up a fight! I am the rightful owner of Earth! Hail Piccolo!"  
  
---  
  
Back at his mansion, Cell watched the entire thing on T.V. Piccolo continued to shout "Hail Piccolo!" while waving that head around.  
  
"Who does he think he is?" Cell asked. "Stalin?"  
  
---  
  
Piccolo put Mr. Satan's head in front of his face and impersonated him. "Look at me, I'm Mr. Satan. I talked a lot of shit and now I'm dead. That's what I get for defying the Supreme Ruler of Earth Piccolo! I am just a weak regular human. I should just kill myself. Oh wait, Lord Piccolo already did. Thank you Lord Piccolo! I deserved it! Now I'm just a talking afro head!"  
  
Piccolo laughed and tossed the head into the crowd. "Now!" he yelled. "You will all face the wrath of Lord Piccolo! Muhahahahahaha!"  
  
He put a regular weed-filled cigar in his mouth and started shooting powerful ki blasts at the giant crowd. For every attack he threw thousands perished, and he threw hundreds at a time. The Namek laughed insanely as he killed everybody.  
  
---  
  
Cell and the others watched the giant genocide on the news. The newsman said, "Today is a sad day. Our hero Satan was killed today along with millions of his fans by out great leader Lord Piccolo. This just goes to show that the Supreme Ruler of Earth is unstoppable. All this newsman has to say is Hail Piccolo."  
  
Cell turned off the T.V. angrily. "Hail Piccolo huh? Fuck that. They're gonna hail me-err us!"  
  
"Yeah," Radditz replied not noticing what Cell had said. "Us!"  
  
They all laughed evilly. When they stopped Cell said, "Okay, Piccolo will be here soon. Let's get ready."  
  
********  
  
Well, there you have it. Chapter 2. As usual, I hope you liked it! See you next time! 


	3. Chapter III

Yes, it has been more then long overdue. Unfortunately, real life issues have kept me away from the internet most of the time. However, I plan to be around more, so here it is, the overdue chapter 3!  
  
---  
  
Piccolo's World III: The Cigar  
  
Chapter III  
  
Piccolo landed on his front porch to see Chouzu waiting for him.  
  
"Welcome back Mr. Piccolo. I saw you on T.V. Very impressive sir."  
  
Piccolo straightened his tie. "Damn right. I'm the leader of this fucking planet."  
  
He opened the door and just barely saw Cell's fist before it him in the nose. The attack came entirely unexpected. Piccolo fell onto his back and suddenly Tien was standing over him. "Solar Flare!" he shouted.  
  
"Fuck!" Piccolo exclaimed as he was blinded. He was stoned and at the same time this was happening. His mind was going crazy!  
  
Radditz and Nappa showed up and soon everyone was punching and kicking the downed Namek with all their force.  
  
"Good!" Cell shouted in between kicks. "Kill him! Hahahaha! Kill him good!"  
  
After twenty minutes of beating the shit out of Piccolo, Cell bent down and grabbed the cigar out of Piccolo's torn jacket.  
  
Cell grinned. "We have succeeded!"  
  
Everyone cheered and Cell picked up Piccolo by the throat. "Now Mr. Piccolo, you will die."  
  
Cell threw Piccolo far into the air and fired several ki blasts at him. Everyone laughed and went inside.  
  
---  
  
Piccolo awoke several days later in the middle of one of his ruined streets. His suit was ruined yet again and his face was covered with bruises and cuts. Cell's attacks had been a little off, so Piccolo survived. He was, however, very weak.  
  
He sat up and saw Vegeta walking along the sidewalk.  
  
"I already told you Ginyu! I don't have any cheeseburgers!" Vegeta shouted angrily.  
  
Vegeta saw Piccolo and walked up to him. "Well, if it isn't the Namek. You look like a salesman that just got jumped."  
  
Piccolo ignored him. "Who were you talking to just now?"  
  
"I am quite obviously talking to Captain Ginyu you dumb bitch. He's standing right next to me."  
  
"Uhh, there's nobody there you moron."  
  
"I always knew that Namek's were weak and pathetic, but I guess they're blind too!"  
  
"Fuck you," Piccolo replied climbing to his feet. Then he changed the subject. "What are you doing out here?"  
  
"Me and Ginyu were just wandering the city. We're on our way back to Kakarot's place."  
  
"You mean Goku's?"  
  
"Did I say Goku bitch? I motherfucking didn't say Goku! I don't know anyone named Goku!"  
  
"Take it easy. Where's he live?"  
  
"Just follow me and Ginyu."  
  
Piccolo sighed. Him and Ginyu?  
  
---  
  
They arrived ten minutes later. Piccolo knocked on the door and Goku opened it.  
  
"Hey Piccolo!" Goku said surprised. "What brings you here?"  
  
"I lost my cigar," Piccolo replied.  
  
"Your cigar huh? Don't you know smoking is bad for you?"  
  
Piccolo pointed to the blunt in Goku's right hand. "Then what the fuck is that?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
Goku took a hit and blew the smoke in Piccolo's face. Piccolo smelled it and became angry. "Well Goku, I guess you don't realize that smoking weed not made by me is illegal. You broke about fifty laws for taking a hit of that, and fifteen more for blowing it in my face."  
  
"Shut the fuck up, Namek," Vegeta ordered pushing him aside. "From the looks of things you're not in charge anymore."  
  
Without warning Piccolo grabbed Vegeta by the throat and threw him against the wall. "You wanna talk shit huh? Come on then bitch."  
  
"Fuck," Vegeta said surprised. "Help me Ginyu."  
  
"Wow," Goku said to Piccolo, "take it easy."  
  
"I'm Lord Piccolo!" Piccolo shouted. "I will kill you!"  
  
---  
  
Vegeta's view was entirely different from everyone else's. The world was still colorful and he saw Ginyu punching Piccolo in the back of the head over and over again.  
  
"It's no use!" Ginyu exclaimed. "The Namek is too strong!"  
  
"No he's not," Vegeta replied weakly. "Keep hitting him."  
  
"Who the fuck are you talking to bitch?" Piccolo asked angrily.  
  
Ginyu socked Piccolo in the face. It did nothing.  
  
"Piccolo!" Goku shouted. "Let him go!"  
  
"Fuck you," Piccolo replied. "I'm gonna kill him!"  
  
Ginyu jumped on Piccolo's back and attempted to choke him. Piccolo didn't even move.  
  
"I'm sorry Vegeta," Ginyu apologized. "I can't do shit to this guy."  
  
Vegeta's eyes began to close as he drifted off into unconsciousness. "See you in Hell Ginyu," Vegeta said weakly.  
  
"Quit talking about Ginyu!" Piccolo shouted. He was now angrier then ever. "There is no Ginyu!"  
  
"That's enough!" Goku shouted and went Super Saiyajin 2. He punched Piccolo in the face and caused the Namek to fly through the roof of the building and disappear into the sky. Vegeta fell to the ground gasping for breath.  
  
"I hope I didn't kill him," Goku said.  
  
"I do," Vegeta replied, "he's a wimp. I let him do that to me."  
  
"Bullshit Vegeta, I saw your look."  
  
"Uhhh. . . I was just acting like the Namek was going to beat me. I was about to beat him until you got in the way, so fuck you Kakarot."  
  
Goku sighed. "Whatever Vegeta, I could tell you were losing it. You were telling Captain Ginyu to help you for crying out loud! Ginyu isn't here."  
  
"Yeah he is. Don't you see him? He's standing right next to me."  
  
"Yeah," Ginyu said.  
  
"You're crazy Vegeta. I don't want you living with me anymore."  
  
"Fine then bitch. Your place sucks anyway. Let's get outta here Ginyu."  
  
"Yeah, this guy's a prick," Ginyu replied.  
  
Ginyu followed Vegeta out of the building. Goku shook his head and went back inside.  
  
***  
  
Well, that's the end of this chapter. Please review! Reviews = encouragement. Also, to The Dbz Dealer, I'm glad that you're glad that I'm back. When I read chapter 2 of your newest fic and saw what you said, it made me feel a whole lot better. 


	4. Chapter IV

I am glad you liked the previous chapter. I didn't want you guys to wait for too long for Chapter 4, so here it is.  
  
---  
  
Piccolo's World III: The Cigar  
  
Chapter IV  
  
Piccolo just happened to land on top of none other then Yamcha's hover convertible. The entire car was smashed from the force. Yamcha, who had pulled over to take a piss, ran back and shouted, "Holy shit, my new car! This always happens!"  
  
"Good God," Yamcha continued "look at this shit. Who the fuck? Piccolo?"  
  
Piccolo tried to speak but couldn't. He was too weak. Yamcha didn't even seem to notice. He continued with his outrage: "Is this some sort of joke Piccolo? Please get the fuck off my car."  
  
"Give me. . . a . . . senzu bean," Piccolo finally managed to say.  
  
"A senzu bean? I don't have any yo, and besides, you don't eat anything right?"  
  
"Just fucking do it," Piccolo ordered.  
  
"Fine," Yamcha replied, "I'll find you a damn senzu bean. You're paying for my precious car though!"  
  
Yamcha left to find a senzu bean and Piccolo went unconscious. He awoke again that night. Yamcha hadn't even come back yet. He searched his ruined jacket for something to smoke. He desperately needed to get high. He located one of his cigars.  
  
"That smell seems so familiar," Piccolo said aloud. Then he realized what it was: The Special Special Cigar! Cell had taken the wrong one! Without any hesitation Piccolo lit it and took several big hits without even stopping for a moment.  
  
---  
  
It took Yamcha all day to find a senzu bean, but he managed to pull it off. However, he was caught completely off-guard when he saw his car in thousands of pieces. Before it had just been smashed, now. . .  
  
"Nooooooooooo!!" he exclaimed. "My car! My precious car!"  
  
He fell to the ground on his knees and started picking up the pieces. "Look at this! Where the fuck is that green bastard Piccolo?"  
  
"Behind you," Piccolo said in a voice of pure evil.  
  
Yamcha spun around and saw that Piccolo was taller, buffer, and wore a new black suit. His eyes were completely red and a huge grin was on his face. Yamcha didn't even seem to notice, all he cared about was his car. He stood up and shouted, "What the fuck did you do to my car Piccolo?! Look at this fucking mess!"  
  
Without warning Piccolo punched Yamcha's head off with ease. That was the end of Yamcha.  
  
"Now," Piccolo said evilly, "I will kill those that betrayed me. But first . . ."  
  
---  
  
Vegeta was sitting on the curb smoking some good weed that was rolled in a nice blunt.  
  
"Fuck you Ginyu," Vegeta said, "I'm not letting you hit off this. . . I don't care if you think I'm like Freeza! I'm the one that almost got killed by that bitch-ass Namek! I earned this."  
  
Vegeta took a nice big hit and blew it in Ginyu's face. He still believed Ginyu was there. "You're MY bitch Ginyu! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"  
  
Vegeta was still laughing when Piccolo's powerful energy beam hit him and destroyed him with the rest of the block.  
  
---  
  
Goku was sleeping on his couch and Krillen on the floor when Piccolo kicked the door down and came in. They both woke up from their weed-filled dreams.  
  
"Holy shit!" Krillen exclaimed. "It's Piccolo!"  
  
Piccolo picked Krillen up and popped his head off like a cork. Goku stood up and said, "I can't find the Dragonballs anymore, y'know! You just killed him forever!"  
  
"Good," Piccolo replied. With quick speed Piccolo punched a hole in Goku's stomach. It was so quick that Goku didn't even notice.  
  
"And also," Goku continued, "It wasn't necessary to kick my door down! What's your problem Piccolo?"  
  
"I'm not the one with the problem. You are."  
  
Piccolo pointed to the hole in Goku's stomach. Goku looked down and said, "Fuck. How did that happen?"  
  
Then he fell to the ground dead. Piccolo straightened his tie and left. He flew high into the air above the city and charged up an attack.  
  
"Don't fuck with Lord Piccolo!" the Namek shouted and destroyed the city with a single attack.  
  
---  
  
Cell watched the entire thing from his office (formerly Piccolo's office). The entire area was lit up with the brightness of the attack. Tien entered his office without knocking and asked, "Did you see that?"  
  
"No shit. It wasn't hard to miss."  
  
"What are we gonna do? Piccolo's gonna be pissed that we betrayed him! We're doomed!"  
  
"Don't worry. We still have the Cigar. The Namek doesn't stand a chance. However, have Radditz assist Nappa at the gate. Knowing him he will try to go through the gate first."  
  
Tien nodded and went to go tell Radditz. He didn't believe the two stood a chance, but oh well.  
  
***  
  
Well, that's Chapter 4. I hope you enjoyed! I will get the next chapter up as soon as possible. 


	5. The Final Chapter

Well, I guess chapter 4 turned out to be a big hit (quite personally, it is actually one of my favorites). I am GLAD you enjoyed it. Sorry it took be sort of awhile to get this one up, and unfortunately this is the final chapter. I hope you like it. Also, go and read The Dbz Dealer's fics.. she added 3 more chapters to her latest fic, and they're GREAT! (not trying to sound like Tony the tiger). Anyway. on with the fic!  
  
---  
  
Piccolo's World III: The Cigar  
  
Chapter V  
  
Nappa was smoking a weed-filled cigar and watching the "fireworks" when Radditz showed up. Radditz got straight to the point.  
  
"Why did I betray Lord Piccolo?" Radditz asked. "I've only been working for him for a week, and I've got more weed then ever."  
  
"Yeah, this really sucks," Nappa replied, "Piccolo's gonna kill all of us."  
  
"You think we'll stand a chance with the cigar?"  
  
"No. We're fucked."  
  
Nappa took a hit of his cigar and suddenly he was sliced in half. The top part of his body fell and his legs still stood. He cigar fell to the ground.  
  
"Fuck!" Radditz exclaimed. "I didn't even see him!"  
  
Nappa tried to reach his cigar but couldn't. "The last hit is the best hit," Nappa said calmly and died.  
  
Suddenly Piccolo appeared before Radditz, who took a step back in fear.  
  
"Lord Piccolo," Radditz said frightened, "I'm sorry I betrayed you! It was that bastard Cell! He made me do it!"  
  
"You're fucking pathetic," Piccolo replied, and tore Radditz into thousands of pieces.  
  
---  
  
Chouzu was waiting by the front door. He saw Piccolo coming and decided to attack. He flew at Piccolo and the Namek punched him. The punch was so powerful that Chouzu exploded.  
  
"That was excellent," Piccolo said pleased.  
  
He entered the house and made his way to his office. None other then Cell was sitting behind HIS desk.  
  
"Ah," Cell said calmly, "glad to see you're alive, Piccolo."  
  
"That's Lord Piccolo to you, you fucking prick. You will be the one that gets killed."  
  
Cell grinned. "I don't think so. I still have this."  
  
He pulled the cigar out of the desk and showed it to Piccolo.  
  
Piccolo grinned. "Go ahead. Take a hit. I don't give a fuck."  
  
"That's the idea." Cell lit it and took a hit. Nothing happened. He looked at it confused and took another. Still nothing.  
  
"You dumb fuck," Piccolo said, "you stole the wrong cigar. I already smoked the real one."  
  
"Fuck," Cell said. He now knew why Piccolo looked so powerful. "I shouldn't have waited until this very moment to see if it worked."  
  
"Indeed, because now I'm going to kill you."  
  
"Wait Mr. Piccolo. I propose a challenge."  
  
"Challenge? What kind of challenge?"  
  
"A challenge of pure skill and bravery, Mr. Piccolo. A smoking challenge. You and me, one on one. Smoke until you cannot smoke anymore. Whoever gives up or faints first loses."  
  
Piccolo thought about it. . . for two seconds! "Let's do this. I like this idea."  
  
"Tien," Cell said, "bring us four boxes of special cigars each to begin with."  
  
Tien came in and placed eight boxes of cigars on the desk. "Mr. Piccolo," he said, "I just wanted to let you know I'm sorry for betraying you."  
  
"Shut the fuck up and get me a chair," Piccolo ordered.  
  
"Immediately, sir."  
  
Tien got him a chair and Piccolo sat down. "You're gonna need a lot of special cigars to knock me down, Cell."  
  
Cell grinned and put three cigars in his mouth and began to smoke all three. Piccolo shook his head and put SIX in his mouth and smoked all of them at the same time.  
  
"Impressive Piccolo, but you'll never defeat me."  
  
They smoked non-stop all night. When dawn arrived each had smoked well over a thousand cigars. The entire room was smoked out and cigar boxes were scattered across the floor. Their eyes were barely open and entirely bloodshot. Not a single trace of white was in their eyes. Piccolo sat on the ground in one corner. His jacket was torn for some reason and his tie was crooked. Cell was in the opposite corner.  
  
The two were going insane.  
  
"I am feeling REALLY fucked up," Cell said. "We've smoked a lot of uhm. . . what were we smoking?"  
  
Piccolo looked at the cigar in his hand. "Uhh, Yamcha was supposed to give me a senzu bean. Therefore, we are smoking lava."  
  
"Did you say. . . saliva?"  
  
"Yes, I said larva. We are smoking beans."  
  
"So we are eating soda while smoking dog food?"  
  
"Uhhhh. . . ."  
  
Piccolo took another hit. It took him like five minutes to lift the cigar to his mouth. "Good God!" Piccolo exclaimed. "I've discovered the meaning of life!"  
  
"The meaning of what? Knives?"  
  
"Yes! The meaning of knives is to drink water while eating beef jerky while standing on a cloud!"  
  
"Of course! It's so simple! We are smoking beef jerky!"  
  
"Yes! While eating a cloud!"  
  
They both laughed and congratulated themselves on their new discovery. Tien, who had major contact (for those who don't know, contact is when someone is starting to feel high simply be second-hand marijuana smoke), asked, "What the fuck are you guys talking about? Who the fuck would eat a knife while kicking a tree?"  
  
Piccolo turned to Tien. "Did you say you're going to eat a tree while punching Freeza?"  
  
"Yes I did."  
  
"That makes sense," Cell said.  
  
Then it suddenly went quiet. The room was so smoked out that every time they took a breath they were getting a big hit. They smoked for a few more hours.  
  
"Holy shit!" Cell exclaimed. "The room is spinning and it's upside down!"  
  
Cell began to twitch uncontrollably. It was as if he wasn't in control of his own body.  
  
"Calm down," Piccolo said, "it's just the, uh, screwdriver we smoked."  
  
"Did you say you want to screw a driver?" Tien asked.  
  
"My brain is going to explode!" Cell interrupted with a loud shout.  
  
Piccolo and Tien laughed. Their laughter couldn't be controlled. Once it started things got crazy. While Cell twitched uncontrollably non-stop, Piccolo and Tien rolled on the floor laughing non-stop. This literally went on for hours. Many, many hours. However, neither of them stopped smoking.  
  
Finally, after over FIVE THOUSAND CIGARS, Cell passed out. Piccolo saw this and just stopped laughing.  
  
"Hey," he said. "I won."  
  
"You what?" Tien asked.  
  
"I uhh, what did I say? I can't remember."  
  
"I don't know sir."  
  
"You don't eh? I won bitch! That's what!"  
  
Piccolo blasted Tien and destroyed him. Then he threw Cell out the window. A barrage of smoke left the room as Cell hit the ground. Piccolo then went outside.  
  
"Wow, regular air sucks," he said.  
  
He then straightened his tie and walked up to Cell.  
  
"This is Piccolo's World bitch. I run this fucking planet!"  
  
Piccolo threw Cell into the air and killed him with a powerful energy attack. "And that's that," he said.  
  
Piccolo straightened his tie, glanced at his world, and went back inside to have a good rest inside his office. He had never felt so stoned. Lord Piccolo felt great.  
  
THE END  
  
Cast:  
  
Piccolo  
  
Radditz  
  
Cell  
  
Goku  
  
Nappa  
  
Tien  
  
Chouzu  
  
Vegeta  
  
Captain Ginyu (in Vegeta's hallucination)  
  
Mr. Satan  
  
Krillen  
  
Yamcha  
  
Kooler  
  
Janemba (in Vegeta's hallucination)  
  
***  
  
Well, that's the end official end of Piccolo's World. After three episodes it is done. From the looks of it you have enjoyed them, and that makes me happy. I am also quite sure you'll want me to write another fic, and never fear, I am already working on one! Don't worry, Piccolo will return in a fic which I call "The Bus Driver." This one will be pretty insane, just like Piccolo's World!  
  
Remember, All Hail Stalin, and All Hail Piccolo!!!! 


End file.
